Blair: Hello, everyone, welcome to the very first edition of the Bilingual International Federation of Fun’s WRESTLERAMA TV! I’m Douglas Blair, and we’re very excited to bring to you a brand new program of pro wrestling made fun again here on WLMF, The Superduperstation! We aim to bring you the very best in professional wrestling action, and have a good time while we’re doing it! We’re all about putting a smile on your face, fans! And right now, we’re going to take you to ringside because we’re about to be joined by a very special guest!
“Money Made” by AC/DC blares over the speakers as the crowd falls into respectful silence as an important looking man wearing business-casual slacks and a light blue dress shirt comes out and stands by the entrance-way. As the music fades out, he grabs a microphone from a nearby stagehand and we overhear some polite clapping from the audience.
???: Thank you very much. Hello, everyone, welcome to the very first edition of WRESTLERAMA TV! In case you didn’t know who I am...and if you don’t you apparently have been living under rock for the past 5 years, I am entertainment mogul and multi-millionaire Marty Flambert, and I am the owner of BIFF~!
The crowd cheers enthusiastically, and Flambert stops to soak it in for a moment.
Flambert: You see, a few months ago, I bought out a little independent wrestling promotion named WRESTLERAMA out of the Midwest. I bought it….on a lost bet with Donald Trump. But, despite that setback, I have rebuilt it as BIFF and brought this show onto the national stage! We’re here on WLMF, The Superduperstation, the television station I made into a national success! We’re in WLMF Studios, we’ve got 803 fans JAMPACKED here and they’re ready to see how BIFF declares its first World Heavyweight Awesome Winner, the first WHAM Champion!
A roar goes over the small studio crowd.
Flambert: Ladies and gentlemen, over the next few weeks, you are going to see the birth of a World Championship like you’ve never seen before! The WHAM championship cannot merely be won by being the best man in one match…oh, no. That wouldn’t be exciting enough. Shots at the WHAM Championship will be earned by accumulating points in singles-style matches. Any match that you are competing on your own in…singles, triple threats, fatal 4 ways, battle royals, whatever match you compete on your own in, WHAM Championship points are on the line. If you win the match, you earn a point! However, if you lose, you start right at the bottom of the barrel and lose all your points. In multiman matches, only the competitors who win and lose the fall respectively have their points affected, those not involved in the fall do not gain or lose points. The first 2...or maybe 3.…or perhaps even 4 competitors who reach 3 points will compete at our first TV special, HOLY BIFFAROO, to compete to be the first BIFF WHAM Champion! Did you guys get all that?
A small child yells, “YES SIR!” A sitcom style “awwww” goes over the crowd.
Flambert: Well, little boy, you seem excited. Would you like to go backstage and meet the wrestlers? Come on security, let him over the guardrail, I’ll take him backstage personally. But, for you guys out here, are you ready for the first match in BIFF history? I hope you are, because it is a singles match, which means it has WHAM Championship implications! Remember, every match is important in the WHAM Championship Chase! Enjoy the show, everyone!
Flambert leads the little boy to the backstage area as the crowd applauds.
Blair: Wow, that’s our CEO Marty Flambert, showing you exactly what BIFF is about, fun for everyone! That WHAM Championship Chase sounds entertaining as all get out, and how nice he was to let that young man go backstage. Now, enough from me, let’s go back to ringside for the first match in BIFF history!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 666!
“Kinder der Dekadenz” by FishHook Productions comes over the loudspeakers as a man with long black hair and a beard to match, wearing black leather pants and an oversized denim vest, comes out headbanging and air guitaring.
Blair: And here he comes, ladies and gentlemen, Lance Metal, the German rock superstar! He’s only been a pro wrestler for a few short months, but in the tapes I studied of his previous matches, he can still knock you out with his knee strikes…or knock out your ear drums! Jeez, this song is so loud!
Metal slides into the ring and poses atop the top turnbuckle, showing the fans the metal hand signal. As he comes down from the turnbuckle, “The Time Warp” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show begins to play and the fans look down the entrance way…
Blair: And the fans are waiting here…what the? IS THAT A...A TIME MACHINE?!?
Jigowatt is here, and he busted through the side door with his time machine, pouring smoke! Jigowatt stands above his broken down time machine, and begins to speak without a microphone.
Jigowatt: Greetings, citizens of the Age of Oil! My code tag name is Jigowatt-365000...but my friend units just call me Jigowatt! It seems that while I was exploring through time rifts, I have suffered a malfunction in my time travel device. I have been stranded in your time…but that’s fine, friends, because I only need to win your BIFF WHAM Championship to restore my time machine to its previous condition! I hope to have fun here, and to my opponent unit, Lance Metal…best of luck, friend!
And with that, Jigowatt JETS to the ring with the rocket boosters in his kickpads!
Blair: My God, what a way to make an entrance! Jigowatt, the luchador from the year 3008 stranded in our time period, an amazing acrobat who does moves normal men wouldn’t even dream of! Quite the contrast of styles from Lance Metal, so this is going to be an interesting first match here in BIFF~!
A referee wearing funky red and yellow Zubaz workout pants and a luchador mask begins checking Lance Metal’s gear…he clears Metal, but when he goes to check Jigowatt’s gear, it shoots sparks at him!
Blair: It looks like Jigowatt’s animatronic suit doesn’t like our senior official Chile Domingue too much!
But regardless, Chile rings the bell and the first match in BIFF history is on!
Jigowatt vs. Lance Metal
Jigowatt and Metal start off with a nice handshake, the crowd claps it on. Both men start in the center of the ring, locking up and then exchanging holds, Jigowatt getting the best of the exchange with a nice snapmare followed by a dropkick to the back of the head. Metal shakes off the strike and gets right back to his feet, and they lock up again and exchange holds once more…but this time Metal breaks up a knuckle lock with a hard elbow to the bean of Jigowatt. Metal tries to take control with an Irish Whip, goes for an elbow shot, Jigowatt ducks…and lands a rolling wheel kick. Jigowatt is taking control now, showing off a dazzling array of kicks and palm strikes. Jigowatt goes for another palm strike, but Metal ducks the shot and hits a big headbutt!
Blair: Wow, a bit of a dirty blow there from Metal with that headbutt…perhaps he’s getting a tad frustrated here, Jigowatt’s been outwrestling and outstriking him so far.
Metal uses the headbutt to take the advantage, firing off 2 more in succession. Metal is now taking control, throwing punches in bunches and a ton of knee strikes. Metal brings Jigowatt into the ropes and goes to whip him off again…but Jigowatt reverses again and catches Metal off the rebound with a beautiful arm drag, Metal slides all the way to the outside.
Blair: Metal’s looking to catch a breather here, that arm drag caught him off balance…but Jigowatt’s looking to fly! Handspring…moonsault over the top! Metal moved, Jigowatt caught nothing but concrete! A veteran move there from the rookie Metal, getting out of the way of a spectacular Jigowatt dive!
Metal brings Jigowatt back into the ring looking to take advantage, he goes right to the cover! 1...2...no, Jigowatt rolls the shoulder up. Metal is starting to get angry…he howls into the air, holding up the metal sign! He picks Jigowatt up from behind, he’s looking for the beginnings of the BLOODLUSTRUSH! Metal gets the hook in for the backdrop…but Jigowatt flips out of it, catching Metal in mid-air with a victory roll-style pin! 1...2...3! Jigowatt wins the first match in BIFF history!
[O]Jigowatt {10:41, Rolling Pin Fall} Lance Metal[X]
Blair: Lance Metal looked impressive throughout that one, but Jigowatt has 100 years of experience on him. Literally! He’s from 3008, don’t cha know! And Jigowatt got the best of an inexperienced Lance Metal there, getting the duke in the first match in BIFF history, reversing the BLOODLUSTRUSH with a beautifully timed roll-up! Now let’s take you to the back with Bernie Summers! Bernie?
As Jigowatt celebrates his victory, we go to a predestinated backstage interview area, and we see the FPCPP’s Bernie Summers and a man wearing green surgical scrubs, a breathing mask and bandanna covering his face, his hair wildly strewn about. He has a brown medical bag with him and a maniacal look in his eye as Bernie begins to speak.
Bernie: Thanks, Douglas! I’m backstage tonight with one of the men competing for his first point in the WHAM title chase, Dr. Poke. Poke, you’ve got a match with Iam Gunnalooze tonight, your thoughts.
Poke: My thoughts, Bernie? My thoughts have been clouded for years. Ever since….the incident….my mind has been infiltrated with nothing but darkness…death….MURDER. That’s right, Iam…Dr. Poke isn’t a good ol’ apple a day doctor. I’m a surgeon of destruction, and I plan to cut my way through you tonight. And Iam….if the pain is just too much for you to bear….
Poke lifts up the medical bag, and pulls out a syringe filled with a clear liquid.
Poke: …there’s always Dr. Poke’s Patented Painkiller. It’ll kill you…I mean….kill your PAIN. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Poke walks off, continuing his maniacal laughter. Bernie watches him walk off, a disturbed look on his face.
Bernie: The incident? Painkiller? Douglas, I think this guy’s got all the screws in his head loose. Back to you.
Blair: Some disturbing words from Dr. Poke indeed. Let’s take you back down to ringside as that match is just about ready to get underway!
Born to lose, I've lived my life in vain,
All my dreams have only caused me pain.
All my life, I've always been so blue,
Born to lose, and now I'm losing you!
“Born To Lose” by The Bouncing Souls continues to blare through the speakers as Iam Gunnalooze begins to sheepishly make his way down the ramp…tripping on the way down! Iam quickly gathers himself and, embarrassed, continues his way to ringside with the fans completely not reacting to his stage presence (or complete lack thereof).
Blair: Poor Iam Gunnalooze, he’s never won a match in his career, he’s so clueless….and now he’s made an auspicious debut here in BIFF, tripping down the ramp!
Iam makes his way to ringside…as he makes his way down, we get our first good look at the man called “The New Age Jobbing Machine,” and we notice one thing: his attire doesn’t match at all! Green tights, blue and yellow kneepads, red boots….apparently, he’s so clueless that’s he doesn’t even remember to pack matching gear! Iam tries to slide into the ring, but hits his knee HARD on the apron on the way in. As he rolls in pain on the mat, his music fades out and is replaced with….
Beep…beep….beeeep….beeeeeeeep….
The flatline leads into “Dr. Phibes Rises Again” by Misfits as Dr. Poke, carrying the same medical bag from earlier, makes his way to ringside, a maniacal look in his eye.
Blair: Judging from what this nutcase was saying a few minutes ago, I’d be really concerned for Iam’s well-being. And what was that “incident” he was talking about? Dr. Poke is a dangerous individual, for sure. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in the ring with him.
Poke places his bag in the corner and slides into the ring. He draws a few boos from the fans as he stares right into the soul of Iam Gunnalooze, who has now recovered somewhat. Referee Chile Domingue rings the bell, and we’re underway with this next contest!
Dr. Poke vs. Iam Gunnalooze
Iam Gunnalooze is looking like somebody just shot his dog, he is in sheer terror….but he charges! He goes for a clothesline, Poke ducks the shot, Poke runs off the ropes…what a Yakuza Kick! Iam crumples to the ground in a heap!
Blair: He calls that kick the MRI, which stands for Mind Rendered Incompetent! And I think it knocked Iam loopy for sure…and I don’t think Poke’s done, folks, he’s picking Iam back up!
Poke picks Iam’s lifeless body up off the canvas. He lifts Iam onto his shoulders…and then tosses him forward, sending his knee crashing into Iam’s hapless skull! Iam again crumbles to the mat, and this time Poke goes for the cover. 1.…2.…3, that’s all.
[O]Dr. Poke {:35, Comatose} Iam Gunnalooze[X]
Blair: Chile Domingue could have counted to 100 there, Iam Gunnalooze was OUT. Poke calls that sickening knee strike “Comatose,” and it gets the job done here, Dr. Poke earns his first point in convincing fashion!
Chile attempts to raise Poke’s hand…but Poke shoves Chile down and then goes back on the assault on Iam!
Blair: Oh, come on, what is this? The match is over, Poke, this is just unnecessary! Poke is just brutally stomping Iam‘s face!
As bruising starts to show around Iam’s left cheek and his nose shows signs of blood, Poke lifts Iam’s hapless body up to a sitting position, only to kick him squarely in the face once again, catching Iam hard around his eye socket. The crowd gasps and then boos this attack. Poke goes over to the corner and demands a microphone. He gets it and then brings himself down to Iam’s fallen level to speak.
Poke: IAM! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM, IAM! OPEN WIDE AND SCREAM!
Poke puts the microphone to Iam’s mouth, but hears nothing but Iam’s barely audible breathing. Poke puts his free hand around Iam’s throat this time, and Iam begins to scream very loudly. Poke, having been looking maniacal up to this point, releases his grip on Iam suddenly after Iam’s scream and looks…happy? He puts the microphone to his mouth again to speak.
Poke: What was that, Iam? You…you want me to put you out of your misery? Do you, Iam?
Iam says nothing, so Poke slaps him HARD across the face, the shot echoing around the arena.
Poke: ANSWER ME!
Iam screeches something inaudibly, and Poke seems to take this as a hint to go across to the corner and reach into his brown medical bag for the syringe!
Blair: Oh no, Dr. Poke isn’t thinking of doing this, is he? Somebody’s got to stop this!
Poke is going down to Iam’s level. Iam is still screeching in sheer terror…and Poke sticks the syringe into Iam’s arm! Iam’s screaming immediately ceases and he just begins to shake in convulsions as Poke injects his Painkiller into Iam’s body. The crowd falls deathly silent as Iam soon becomes motionless.
Blair: This is just sickening! Dr. Poke has just injected Iam Gunnalooze with the Patented Painkiller!
Poke, satisfied, rolls out of the ring with his syringe and medical bag in tow as medical personnel come in and attend to Iam. Poke is laughing hysterically as he walks to the back as the BIFF fans are oddly quiet
Blair: Ladies and gentlemen, this disgusting action perpetrated by Dr. Poke is just….it’s just an auspicious way to get the Bilingual International Federation of Fun started! Dr. Poke will stop at nothing to become WHAM Champion, and apparently that includes putting the life of other BIFF wrestlers at stake. I just hope that Iam’s going to be OK….
We see Iam Gunnalooze being carted out on a gurney, the crowd looking on in an eerie silence.
Blair: This is too much, guys, I can’t take anymore…let’s take you backstage with Bernie Summers.
We quickly cut to the backstage area and see Bernie Summers and a young, smaller looking man wearing a blue collared shirt with a name tag that says “Berry” on the right pocket. They both have a sober look on their faces as Bernie tries to begin to conduct an interview.
Bernie: Well, ladies and gentlemen, after what we just saw there I don’t know how we’re going to do this, what was supposed to be a fun night for everyone may end up becoming a tragic night for Iam Gunnalooze…but, the show unfortunately must go on, we’ll keep you posted on Iam’s condition throughout the night. As I said, though, the show must go on and I am backstage here with “The Working Class Hero” Berry Paresi, who has a match coming up tonight in the main event against Sponsor Shillings. Berry, anything to say in preparation for your big match tonight? WHAM Championship Chase points are on the line….
Berry: Bernie, let me stop you right there. Before I get to Shillings, I have something to say to Dr. Poke. Poke, that was the most cowardly action I’ve ever seen in my entire life. To attempt to do what you tried to do to Iam Gunnalooze, a defenseless man….I’ve never been more disgusted in my life. Where I come from, if you want to get noticed, you don’t take out the defenseless. You work, every single day, like I do in the plastics factory. You work the hardest, you become the best.
And speaking of becoming the best, I take my first step in doing just that tonight. It starts with you, Sponsor Shillings. Shillings, I’m not in this for the money. I don’t need the money from pro wrestling. I could just work the lid liner 9 to 5 and keep my family fed. I’m here because I LOVE pro wrestling, and I want to be the first WHAM Champion. You’re the first roadblock to my…
Paresi stops short as a short man with a silver mask, emblazoned with the words “NO FEAR” and a skull-like design with wings, steps into the frame, cutting him off.
Paresi: You got something to say to me, Shillings?
Shillings: Why, yes I do, Berry. I’ve got a question….WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY? It’s all about money, Berry! This is a business, and speaking of business, I’d like to give special thanks to...
Shillings turns around and points to a logo on the back of his baggy silver shorts reading …”IBM”?
Shillings: IBM, the leaders in business! And, you know, Paresi, standing this close to you…you smell hideous! Your breath is just…ugh! Is it from all of those hours in that sweatshop you hang in? But, luckily for you, I know just what you need!
Shillings lifts up his right arm and reveals a light blue wristband reading “Mentos” as Paresi looks on, mildly annoyed. The crowd boos a little in the background at Shilling’s mockery.
Shillings: You need Mentos! THE FRESHMAKER! But most of all, Berry…after I defeat you tonight, you’re going to need something to regain some of that energy. And if you’ve got a great thirst for energy, how about a nice can of...
Shillings points to his mask!
Shillings: NOOOOOOOOOOO FEAAAAAAAAAAAR!
The camera zooms in tight as Shillings looks at the camera and gives a cheesy thumbs up and wink, which garners more boos. The camera pans back out and Paresi, his annoyed glance never leaving Shillings this entire time, speaks again.
Paresi: Are you done? Really, are you? Did you get all of your corporations in? I hope so, because after you feel the power of American labor here tonight, all of the greedy businessmen that you represent are going to drop your sponsorship deals like a bad habit. Shillings, tonight, I’m about to show you exactly why a Working Class Hero…is something to be.
Paresi and Shillings share a staredown as we cut back to the live crowd and Douglas Blair.
Blair: Wow, that’s going to be an intense match, ladies and gentlemen! The corporate, money-minded Sponsor Shillings and the common man factory worker Berry Paresi in our main event tonight! But first, ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to hear from Por Que, who has sent us a training montage from his personal gym in Calgary, Alberta….Tijuana? What?
We cut to a shot of a skyline of a very unusual city. It looks like a stereotypical Mexican pueblo, straight out of a textbook…but it’s covered in snow! We cut to a shot deep inside the heart of the city, people with berets and panchos walking about…we focus in on a small-looking gym, made of simple adobe. A title box at the bottom of the screen tells us some information…
Gimnasio Conmemorativo de Rick Martel
Calgary, Alberta, Tijuana
Calgary, Alberta, Tijuana
As we go inside the gym, we see a very fat, very short man wearing a pink and purple mask, a “Giant Gonzales Basketball Camp” t-shirt and obscenely short shorts, doing squats with…A SIDE OF BEEF? A lanky, athletic looking trainer is standing behind this man, counting…
Trainer: Cinco…seis…siete…..ocho….nueve….OK, Por Que, that’s muy bien.
The trainer helps Que get the side of beef off his back, and then they hand the large cow product over to a team of young Mexicanadians standing by, and they carry the slab o’ meat off.
Por Que: Hey, amigos, chop that up and make some fajitas! Muchos gracias, ninos!
Por Que turns his head to the right, and notices the camera. His face immediately lights up, and he turns his full attention to the camera man.
Por Que: Hey, amigos in BIFF~! It’s me….POR QUE! You know, when I was invited to join up with a fed named BIFF, I was like…QUE? What’s a BIFF? Sounds like one of the sounds I make after a Taco Bell run, homes! You know what I’m talkin’ about, amigo, a gaseous back-up! Yeah! But, when they told me it was the Bilingual International Federation of Fun, man, I was like…..HEY, I’M BILLINGUAL TOO, HOMES! YES! So I signed up, man, and I’m going to take a BITE out of this promotion, amigos! Let me show you what I’m talking about!
Por Que walks over to camera right…as we pan over, we see Por Que putting a CD in a stereo. He presses play…
Hearts on fire!
Strong desire!
Rages deep within!
“Hearts on Fire” continues to play as Por Que nonchalantly walks over to a workout station, a happy strut to match his demeanor, and we see a large set of weights and a container that reads “Powder”. Por Que sticks his hands in the container, and pulls out…powdered sugar? He licks the pile of sugar a little bit, before using the rest to powder up his hands. He goes to lift the massive amount of weight…he struggles a bit….
Por Que: Viva…..MEXICOOOOOOOOO!
On the “Mexico”, Por Que lifts the weights without effort, hoisting them high over his head! He throws the weights back to the ground behind him, and then, his breathing slightly more rapid, calmly walks over to another station, where we see a set of blue mats, sitting right next to a ledge. On the top of this ledge is a milkshake with a purple bendy straw stuck inside it. Por Que lays down, knees up on the mats…and begins doing sit-ups, taking a sip of the milkshake every time he comes up! He rattles off a few of these before getting up, holding his gut with a slight grimace on his face. He looks at the camera…
Por Que: Ugh…I mean…you think THAT was impressive? CHECK IT OUT, HOMES!
Por Que walks over, very slowly, to a treadmill! Por Que examines the machine for a moment…then turns back to the camera, breathing heavily.
Por Que: You know what, homes? I don’t need to scare the competition anymore than I already have, man! Besides, I think…..YES, MY FAJITAS!
The group of Mexicanadians from earlier come back with a large platter of cooked beef, tortillas, and other such fixings. Por Que assembles the fajita in record time, lifting it up to his face like one would lift a weight, taking a bite out of it every time.
Por Que: I always like to close my workouts with Fajita Curls, homes! It’s the secret to this physique! BIFF, you better watch out, because you’re going to find out very soon who I am, homes. Me llamo no “butter”…ME LLAMO POR QUE~!!!
Por Que points at the camera with an instant of intensity, but then goes back to his happy demeanor as he continues to munch away at his fajita. We fade back to the studio and Douglas Blair, who is laughing.
Blair: Oh, it looks like Por Que wanted to intimidate his future BIFF competition there, and we’ll see if it worked because he will be here next week….
1, 2, 3, BEND!
1, 2, 3, STRETCH!
1, 2, 3, BEND!
1, 2, 3, STRETCH!
Blair: What is this annoying theme music? We’re about to start our main event, this isn’t scheduled!
We get our answer as a small, olive-skinned man wearing very bright and Bedazzled green and purple workout gear and a bright red fanny pack begins power-walking to the ring, a look of purpose set upon his face. He hops up the ring steps and quickly grabs a microphone. He begins speaking in a high, squeaky voice.
???: Did you people see that? That…that….hideously obese disgrace of a human being, Por Que?
The crowd boos.
???: Shut up, fat boys!
Blair: Oh, come on, that was uncalled for! Who is this jerk?
???: Well, to all the fat cows and big sows in this crowd tonight, that might have been….funny? There’s nothing funny about obesity! I spend every day combating it, selling millions of dollars in workout tapes in Puerto Rico and other Caribbean markets! I’m Ricardo Simons, and I’m here in America to whip you obese pigs into shape, whether it be by free will or force. And Por Que, you seem to be the perfect example of these obese fools. So….I know you’re going to be here next week, Por Que, and I’d like to challenge you to a match. I’ll beat the fat off of you….that is, if you’re willing to accept my challenge. See you next week!
Blair: Por Que was just trying to have a good time, make the BIFF fans laugh with a nice video package, and this Ricardo Simons has to come out here…what a jerk! But I can only assume that next week, Simons will be able to tell Por Que exactly what he thinks of him in the ring. Por Que doesn’t look the type to back down from a challenge. But now, if we have no other interruptions….it’s time for your main event, BIFF fans! Let’s take it back to ringside!
“This Is An Advertisement” by Jakobinarina hits the speakers, and Sponsor Shillings begins making his way to ringside….handing out flyers?
Blair: Oh, look at those “lucky” fans, getting more advertising propaganda from Sponsor Shillings. This guy lives to shill his corporate sponsors ad nauseum, to the point where it’s just plain obnoxious!
Shillings makes his way into the ring, giving his final flyer to referee Chile Domingue before heading to the corner to stretch out a bit more, in preparation for this main event. As Shillings stretches out, the lights dim and music begins to play…
As soon as you're born they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all!
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
A working class hero is something to be.
A working class hero is something to be.
A single spotlight comes down to the entranceway, and “The Working Class Hero” Berry Paresi steps through the curtain.
Blair: And listen to this ovation! The working man, Berry Paresi certainly has picked up quite the following very quickly. And let me tell you, he’s got the skills to back up the fan’s support!
Paresi makes his way to the ring, slapping hands with the many fans around ringside. He slides into the ring, coming up just in time to meet Sponsor Shillings nose-to-nose.
Blair: Look at this, they’re jawing back and forth! They met each other earlier in the night, and it was obvious that Berry wasn’t too pleased with Shillings trying to get his shills in during Berry’s interview time. This one’s shaping up to be intense, ladies and gentlemen!
Paresi and Shillings are broken up by Chile Domingue, who has to use all of the force in his small body to get the two men apart. Chile sees that both men are ready to go, and he rings the bell, the main event is underway!
Berry Paresi vs. Sponsor Shillings
Shillings and Paresi both come out SWINGING, Paresi firing off right hands. Shillings is being no slouch, hitting some nice elbow strikes, but Paresi is obviously the more polished striker here. Paresi punches Shillings into the corner, and goes up for the 10 punch as the crowd counts along. Paresi is on fire…until Shillings cuts him off by taking him down with a Fujiwara armbar. Shillings screams, “THIS IS THE ARMBAR OF A NEW GENERATION! PEPSI COLA!” as he torques the hold, drawing some more animosity from the crowd.
Blair: Oh, shut up and wrestle already, Shillings! Though Pepsi is delicious and refreshing…darn it, now he’s got me doing it!
Paresi fights his way out of the armbar, but immediately gets arm wringered and torqued in again. Shillings brings in a cavalcade of armwork, completely neutralizing Paresi’s punching power with a display of arm wringers, more Fujiwara armbars, shoulder breakers, Divorce Court arm breakers and more, as Shillings proclaims a corporate sponsor at every opportunity during these arm holds.
Blair: Shillings is dominating here, as he goes for another arm wringer…but Paresi reverses with a wringer of his own…LID LINER! Paresi hit him with the Lid Liner out of nowhere! Cover!
1...2...no, Shillings was too close to the ropes and gets his foot on the bottom rope. But Paresi used that move to turn the tide, now he’s going to attempt to take control back, blocking Shillings punches and countering with straight right hands! Paresi fires Shillings off after the 3rd punch, and hit’s a Swing DDT, which he follows up with The Thermoformer! Shillings escapes the hold quickly, and comes right back to his feet. Shillings goes for a clothesline, Paresi ducks with the go-behind…The Roller! 1...2...no, Shillings barely pushes his way out and comes back to his feet…and walks right into another Lid Liner! Cover…1...2..3, that did it!
[O]Berry Paresi {12:46, Lid Liner} Sponsor Shillings[X]
Blair: And the second time’s the charm for the Lid Liner, and after that barrage of finishing holds, Paresi pulls out the big win here over Sponsor Shillings! What a comeback for Paresi, it looked like Shillings had him devastated on numerous occasions, but Paresi just kept on fighting and finally got the win. That’s going to do it for us this week, folks! Thanks for watching, we’ll see you next time right here on WLMF: The Superduperstation for more WRESTLERAMA TV! Good night everybody!
We fade to a screen reading….
THE BIFF~! WHAM CHAMPIONSHIP CHASE STANDINGS
Dr. Poke
1 point
“The Working Class Hero” Barry Paresi
1 point
Jigowatt
1 point
Dr. Poke
1 point
“The Working Class Hero” Barry Paresi
1 point
Jigowatt
1 point
The rankings EXPLODE like the BIFF~! logo earlier, and the TV screen fades to black.
